Dreams.

had a very bad dream last night. you know when you've been thinking about too many stuff sub-consciously before you sleep.. and you tend to dream about it when u sleep.. dun wanna elaborate much about it.. but it has to do with what i've done wrong in all my life..

there are times when i ask myself.. do i deserve this or that.. but come to think of it.. i hadn't been that good either.. what happened will continue haunting me.. what left me will continue to torment my heart.. and thats the punishment i got..

sometimes i wonder.. if that incident didn't happen.. what will i be going through now? will i still be staying up late everynight.? still be on the verge of tears every now and then.. or will i be the carefree me.. i've made a vow to myself.. not to bring my friends down.. not to let them be affected of what i am going through.. thats why i've been 200% lame.. i enjoy making people laugh.. coz i tend to laugh myself.. that makes me happy i guess.. but when i'm all alone.. thats when the mind starts to play tricks on me..

i've been told to stop thinking and dwelling about what had happened.. told that theres nothing i can do to erase the past.. very true.. but i can't help it when it keeps haunting me.. crawling back into my mind whenever something just reminds me of it.. been trying to keep myself busy.. fishing.. and hanging out with my friends.. thats about it..

i wonder when will it end.. wonder when will it stop.. honestly.. the pain is non imaginable.. i've did too much wrong stuff.. too much.. and i wonder what i can do to save myself..

Jus
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