she flew.

so she went. din know she would really go. oh wells. talk to me a day before she went. told me about it. how am i suppose to react. pfft. gonna miss u so reaking much. though i never had actually talked or seen u.

these few days have been nuts. work till i im sick. i swear. i wun last long man. this job is killing me. murdering those i knew! lol. sigh.

went fishing yest. caught a small cute Jaguar. its bloody small. ahahah. oh wells. nthin to write about. just wanted to save this blog.

p.s. if u wanna know more. talk to me.

Jus
do u still.

Unbreakable.

9 days later.

I was practically lost on the pitch. Outplayed by opposition. Legs felt cemented and I could only helplessly ballwatch while they played the ball. Missed a textbook long shot, which could have saved the game before halftime, by miles. Gah. It didn't help that I hid my injury from my teammates so that I could play. I'm damn sorry guys, I thought it would be ok but it certainly wasn't.

After contemplating about quitting or leaving the game altogether, I just dove down further into the black abyss that's been holding me down. It's my one big weakness I guess. No amount of stepovers, or no-look passes, or stupid ole tricks will ever be enough to overcome it. A weak heart. Confidence to go one more step, to run just that bit faster, to communicate without words, to trust your own abilities. I guess it's true when they said our goalie had a better chance than me in the midfield.

Today I visited my brother, met my two nieces there. They forced me to play ball with them. Gosh. Seeing them made me see what a wet blanket I was being. Quitting is not cool. Joy. Passion. I have no clue what I can do to overcome my weaknesses. But I must never give up. I'll run the extra miles, I'll get to the weights, I'll get better with the ball. The solution lies somewhere out there and I'll never find it if I just sit around doing shit.

Dare to dribble.
Attack with vision.
Defend with heart.
Play to win.
Lose and learn.
Never be disheartened.
Football is in our blood.

Sham
theboywhodreamtandfailed

Snowflake - Astreal

Captain Panchet

sorry guys...
captain panchet.

training schedule: cumulative in one week.
60 laps in swimming pool
90minutes of jogging
30 minutes juggling
15 minutes ball work[shooting, passing&crossing]
100 minutes physical training[gym & speed]
20minutes doing reflection
2 minutes of grumbling

soccer is in our blood.
FISHING IS JUST A HOBBY!!!!
its a hobby mother fur-cow~!
HOBBY!!!

buck up! buck up! BUCK UP!
captain flopped yesterday... he wont do it again.
tat is my promise to u guys,my team, my friends,my brothers!

NAZ

Helpless.

I'm just glad you're doing fine. Its like proving means nothing. What else can i do. Nothing. Pfft.

Jus
iamsurehelooksgood

My Current Babies...

Haven't been updating in awhile...

i'm here to share my current babies...

the tadpole look-alike was my very first baby. it look sooooo cute. when it swims, the tail moves like a real fish. REALI CUTE LA!

then the blue stick is currently my second favourite. it is not in production anymore, so yeah... won't be using it until i reali pro... i really hope that it will produce me lotsa tomans...

then the final one, and my favourite is my IMAKATSU TRAIRAO. i just got it today. even though its second hand, the condition is really good. it has only been used once, and no fish has bitten it. the inner rattle is superb! damn loud! TOMAN KILLER!!!!

i met the owner of the trairao today. reali frenly guy. he reali taught me lotsa stuffs...

i reali hope tat he will bring me fishing. saltwater lurer... queenie and barracuda killer! got transport somemore... sibeh shiok!

soccer.

love my girlfren...

NAZ

3

It was suppose to be.. but it was meant to be.. a one way kind of thing.. when can i finally get my mind off it? when the hell can i sleep in peace.. and not think of shits that might be happening that very instance..

It already is over.. she already has moved on.. but why am i still stuck here.. letting every every little things hurt me in so many ways.. I ain't emo.. i am just hurt.. and hurt is something everyone feels.. i do not bother to show anyone my real feelings.. coz i know it doesn't help..

so im having soccer today.. but what use is it.. im still injured.. have no idea whats up with my toe.. it will be better of amputated! gosh.. hey.. i miss you yeah.. a lot.. really hope you're doing fine sweets..

Jus
istill

Dreams.

had a very bad dream last night. you know when you've been thinking about too many stuff sub-consciously before you sleep.. and you tend to dream about it when u sleep.. dun wanna elaborate much about it.. but it has to do with what i've done wrong in all my life..

there are times when i ask myself.. do i deserve this or that.. but come to think of it.. i hadn't been that good either.. what happened will continue haunting me.. what left me will continue to torment my heart.. and thats the punishment i got..

sometimes i wonder.. if that incident didn't happen.. what will i be going through now? will i still be staying up late everynight.? still be on the verge of tears every now and then.. or will i be the carefree me.. i've made a vow to myself.. not to bring my friends down.. not to let them be affected of what i am going through.. thats why i've been 200% lame.. i enjoy making people laugh.. coz i tend to laugh myself.. that makes me happy i guess.. but when i'm all alone.. thats when the mind starts to play tricks on me..

i've been told to stop thinking and dwelling about what had happened.. told that theres nothing i can do to erase the past.. very true.. but i can't help it when it keeps haunting me.. crawling back into my mind whenever something just reminds me of it.. been trying to keep myself busy.. fishing.. and hanging out with my friends.. thats about it..

i wonder when will it end.. wonder when will it stop.. honestly.. the pain is non imaginable.. i've did too much wrong stuff.. too much.. and i wonder what i can do to save myself..

Jus
shamblamethebookofsecretsnotme
lovesZ